I was talking with my acquaintance in Washington, Brady Flaxseed.
Say, Brady, what do you think of the new president?
Well, I tell ya Jim, he’s got a lot of people worried around here.
Uh, what do you mean by that, Brady? Do you think that maybe he’s not up to the job?
Well, I gotta tell you, he’s pretty shaky. He’s one of these quiet types, if you know what I mean. No fire in his belly. No matter what goes wrong, and there’s all kinds of stuff going wrong, he just sails along mildly, spouting adages and platitudes. Ain’t normal if you ask me, and kinda strange for such a skinny guy too.
Well, Brady, how’s he doing settling in at the White House? Do you think the politics are going to settle down now and he can get some stuff going?
That’s just the problem. He’s got people in his own cabinet that don’t agree with him half the time and the whole country’s in a mess, ‘specially since the war and all, and dang, this war just keeps getting more expensive and the casualties! It’s carnage! Where’s the money gonna come from? I just don’t think he knows what he’s doing.
Yes, I’m aware that he expressed support for our cause, but he didn’t start this war. I guess you know that.
Yes, but now that he’s in it he doesn’t seem to have a plan to end it. You know his background, don’t you? He was raised poor, just a hick really, from Illinois, out there in the sticks. What does he know about Washington politics and how things get done here? He acts like one of these intellectuals, but he only served a short time in Congress before becoming president. Hell, he’s never even had any combat experience and now he’s trying to tell Generals how to run their show. Probably had to be taught how to salute. A real wingnut if you ask me!
Uh, what’s a wingnut, Brady?
Dang, if you don’t know what a wingnut is, I can’t help you, but I know one when I see one. And another thing about him, he’s got these high-flying, lofty goals that just blows yer mind, stuff that ain’t never going to happen. Impractical, that’s what he is. What we need is somebody who’s down to earth, not with his head in the clouds all the time!
Uh, could you be a little more specific?
Well, yeah. He thinks black people are just as good as white folks. Oughta vote, own property, have their kids in school right next to ours, all kinds of stuff. I mean, I’m against slavery too, that ain’t right, but hell, even the founding fathers knew blacks were only worth a fraction of real people.
Well, Brady, it’s been nice talking to you. My time is about up now – if I don’t get back in my time machine it will automatically go back to the future without me and I sure don’t want to get stuck here in 1861 where there’s no novocaine. Bye. I’ll be back in a couple of years and you can tell me how Abraham Lincoln is doing then. The rules say that I can’t tell you how it’ll turn out, but you might be surprised.
Wait, Jim. What’s novocaine?